British Secret service, my name is Jack Bund, double-oh-nothing. We're here for that deathray-cannon you ate.
Grim Reaper. He sent me as a substitute.
About 15 minutes after I drank from the bottle labelled "Drink Me", a rabbit with a preoccupation with time ordered me here to aid you in your quest to Oz to escape your wicked stepmother and stepsisters. On the way here I was ambushed by this creepy bear that could barely even woddle due to its obesity. It kept saying "Pooh..." and waddling towards me with a hungry look in its eyes. It's roasting over the fire back here if you want a piece, should be about done.