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If I want to die young... how do I make myself die of old age?

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Through time travel.

By moving near to a small black hole, headfirst. Time will move much slower for your upper parts than for your lower parts. If you get it right, in your head, you'll still be a youngin', but you'll have a 50-year-old-heart, the bladder and bowels of an 80-year-old, the genitals of a 120-year-old, the legs of a zombie, and by now, feet that have already turned to dirt.

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